Also be especially careful if you go on business travel with them, because lots of cheating attempts happen then. yeah, just don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of his wife, and you're ok. Done it dozens of times..I worked in an industry and at a level was male dominated. The way she speaks to you, the way she acts like you're bothering her by showing concern, the way she acts flippant when you've been calling her and worried like why are you calling etcthat is UTTERLY disrespectful and she sounds like an immature 16 year old who's trying to stick it to her parents by being rebellious. I never been out with another people while I was married.If I went some where there was my husband always by the way I am not a drinking woman so I have less experiences about bars and drinking. Don't have an account? Put yourself out there and join the dating scene again. Reactions. That's nuts! going out alone indicates infedlity " potentially" or alcoholism. I start thinking ok seems a bit late for her to be out drinking with male co-workers but I trust her so she will probably be home soonish. I would not like it either TBH but from an outside point of view I don't think hes doing anything wrong, yes you don't like it but he can choose his own friends, after all he was friends with her before you and they socialised together then. I work with a lot of males, and we go out drinking from time to time. . reader, Honeypie+, writes (12 September 2013): Already have an account? Yet now I look at all my male friends and colleagues and think - is he having an affair? He wants me to meet them and is over the moon when we hit it off, then we'll all go out for dinners etc. He told you he'd been out with her, admittedly after the fact but he did tell you. Id feel some unease. Didn't seek out any meaningful relationships for three solid years after figuring out the truth, was so disenchanted with the whole system. Never put the money rumor and the attention together. you! Of course, women have many reasons to smile. Since that scenario is so rare, it is generally NOT a good idea for anyone to let their spouse get away with going out alone with a member of the opposite sex. The signs I have seen from married men cruising for some "action" include: not telling their wives who they are with or where they are ("I'm working late"), lots of eye movement up and down your body when talking to you in a somewhat appreciative manner, buying you drinks instead of automatically assuming you're splitting the bill, spending a lot of time with you alone talking about YOU and not much about himself or work or current events or whatever. That is such a funny story because it just shows you how money makes a guy so much more attractive. 6. (Yea, I'm such a homewrecker, I know!). Most people who work contacts in business situations do it in groups, or at work itself. Did he actually love me? Usually they openly hit on me, which makes it easy to identify them. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. The only thing is you should never stand between a married man and his wife. Treat them the same as you would any platonic male friend. Trust me, I know. I blue balled him several times and nade him spend money on me on dates and guess what. I go out with my girlfriends, usually a dinner and drinks at the local dining place. It also means deflecting their attempts to get alone time with you. If your single and you have met a man and hes married would it be acceptable to go out for a drink with him without his wife as friends? Open yourself up a little, rather than sink into the depth of your private despair. 1. I've been thinking a lot about this thread today. During the icebreaker we were hitting it off - flirting and teasing, complimenting each other, you know - and then one of his colleagues comes over and asks about his wife." My DH felt very threatened by this in the beginning - esp as my friend was single and we had dated yonks ago. Last week I was on a business trip with two of my managers, one of whom is a lady. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. female It's not controlling to be wary of what your wife is up to when she is hanging out with a newly single woman and going to bars until closing. However, acting on those urges and desires becomes an issue in a monogamous marriage. Those sorts of things are reserved for you boyfriend/husband. In many parts of the world, of course, ideas about what married people can and cant do are enforced by religious and legal authorities (mostly to the detriment of women), but no one here was suggesting that they were morally uneasy about the mere idea of men and women (or gay men and women and other gay men and women, as it were) being alone together. Another man wondered if watching a sporting event with an unattached woman would somehow imply that his own wife was in some way undesirable because she didnt like sports. She also said she thought I would be asleep the whole time at that time in the morning (usually am) so that she thought Iwouldn'tt worry since I would be asleep. 2022 Hearst UK is the trading name of the National Magazine Company Ltd, 30 Panton Street, Leicester Square, London, SW1Y 4AJ. If your husband feels the need to go out with his unmarried male friends, 2 to 3 nights a week, then I'd suggest you take him back to his mother, and tell her to finish raising him, because no grown man, or no respectable loving husband, would ever think this was appropriate. Thanks Ren, that was sweet of you to say. Yes, it is normal for a married woman to be attracted to other men. If you were in my shoes, how would y. Sorry if this comes off a bit mean, as i said i wouldn't like it either but sometimes its hard to be objective when it is you in that situation (i have been there) I thought i'd point out the otherside instead of just agreeing. female It sucked. Again, while I don't necessarily condone the amount of time (8 hours) she spent drinking with these guys, I don't see that infraction alone as necessitating a divorce, without at least a lot more effort to try to work something out. "A woman drinking with a group of . Melrich and HellFrost, are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on you or set up an inappropriate situation to see if you'd go along with an affair? I've always said that people should be allowed friends of the opposite sex and especially if the friendship started before you met your partner you have no real right to try and interfere in that friendship. Also, you mentioned that you talked to your mom about it. Sorry hun, but alarm bells would be going off in my head :( You need to tell your husband how much this affecting you and that you either want to meet her, or you want him to end the "friendship" (and I would hardly call it worthwhile friendship if he doesn't even want his friend to meet the most important person in his life!). Servedcold, I can definitely see you becoming a lot more enticing to all the females if they thought you made that much everyday. The odd man (married or unmarried) may hit on you. Is he doing it to wind u up, even if only partially. When you meet up with them, let your feelings known about the inappropriateness of asking a married man out for drinks alone and breaking the rules going over budget to go overboard for said married man's gift. I can't say I have kept to either of them. My husband likes to have a beer or two so he does go to the local dive bars with the guys after work. She has the choice of hanging out with them, or going home to spend time alone while OP sleeps? She will ignore him and not make any effort to please him. I've been reading this forum with interest lately because of finding out recently about a couple of my married male friends who were caught engaging in affairs. Copyright 1997-2022 LoveShack.org. reader, So_Very_Confused+, writes (12 September 2013): A No, not OK. The #1 app for tracking pregnancy and baby growth. Showed up at their bar at 7. This doesn't just mean don't cheat- it means keep yourself out of situations that make you look bad, even if you're innocent. ", I reply saying "well you get off at 2am and I got up at 8am this morning for work so yeah.im not even going to be awake then and if I am, no way I will be able to out drinking. Sign You're Dating a Married Man #1: He Wears a Ring Need a sign you're dating a married man? Am I being gas lighted? Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By I think a lot of women worry about being taken advantage of by men - either we've had bad experiences or we've been taught to be self-protective. Maybe this was his plan from the start. If he is going out of his way to see you then it might be because he has feelings for you. If so then there is an underlining problem and may come down to different lifestyle problems, other relationship issues or alcohol problems. I text her saying "I woke up and my wife is still not home after 6 hours.".and that "I could understand a couple drinks for an hour or so but for 6 hours..?" How would he react if you behaved like this? My husband worked with this women but she recently got a different job. As it happens, Stephanie Coontz actually told me she had heard of husbands in the 1950s and 60s forbidding their wives to have repairmen or survey-takers in their homes when they were not there. She added that such attitudes were not widespread even at the time, and that in some cases it was the women who were afraid to have a strange man in the house or even on the porch, rather than the man being jealous. The lesson here, maybe, is that theres never been a clear standard, even an unwritten one, on when and where were supposed to avoid nonsingle peopleand for whose benefit were doing so. reader, dougbcoll+, writes (12 September 2013): A And if for some reason time got away from me I'd call or text my husband so he wouldn't worry. How do I know, bad breakup. I am not sure if she has any respect for you. What you feel is not unfair it completely acceptable. Maybe I am oblivious to these things but I am pretty sure no married woman has ever tried to hit on me (and I don't blame them!!). Bigbedroom She thinks that she is still single. He asked a single girl in the office for her phone number. So, obviously unconscious and occupying a bed in another person's house with various men there, including even non-coworkers (perhaps complete strangers to her; perhaps one of them is a very special person indeed). I feel bad for you for beating on yourself for something that was beyond your control. If they do or say something inappropriate, I either laugh it off (if I like them as a person and want to maintain the association) OR I call them on it and make it very clear to them that I did not appreciate what they did/said and I will not put up with it. Not calling to leave a message was inconsiderate. Don't try to convince yourself that it's a fashion ring or something else. Location: California Posted August 19, 2014 No, it's not fine. We're all just friends so it's just friends having fun together. I'm constantly worried about doing inappropriate things that may inadvertently signal to a married man that I'm open to an affair when that's the farthest thing from my mind. DIGITAL SPY, PART OF THE HEARST UK ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK. My husband has female friends but they are friends. Apparently this neighborlets call him Billhad waited for hours at home for a repairman; finally, the cable company called to announce its representatives impending arrival just as Bill was about to leave on an errand. It took me years to figure it out. Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. YOU should come first. answers from Chicago on October 30, 2008. Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. You've given him X amount of years of your life and given him two beautiful children. So, I think you are overreacting. A woman with two kids told me that the idea of her husband spending precious free time away from the family with anyonefemale or male, sexually compatible or notwho wasnt a longtime friend would make her jealous. Drinking can lower inhibitions. You've been in a relationship for years. I also let her know that "I am NOT ok with this at all btw". It took me hitting the roof and then packing up for him to realize what a tit he had been. If that were the case, I could easily see where she would get caught up in actually having a social life and enjoying herself on a night out such that one hour became two, and then three, and then six. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): A Your affair with a married man will kick off with you realizing that you've fallen in love with a married man. - NO! Looking back on things, I feel my behavior didn't align with my values because I gave into pressure from my mother and friends to give this man a chance. This is a good response as to how to "hang out" with married guy friends if you have concerns. We both knew that talking meant leading to a relationship. Maybe he knew you wouldnt like it but needed someone else to speak to if they are as rough as you say. Jay Casey, a 34-year-old production assistant, considers himself a pretty regular drinker on any given night, he estimates he might have five drinks . While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. 1000Lb Sisters star Amy Slaton has split from her husband, Michael Halterman, it has been claimed. . She complained. from one night of drinking too much to divorce court. He has helped men from all over the world to easily fix relationship . Based on when she got off work, you can't look at the hours of the day because her 2:00 a.m. is other people's 5:00 o'clock. 71 views, 1 likes, 0 loves, 2 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Church of the Saviour UMC: Modern Worship, Church of the Saviour - January 29, 2023 I think having a few drinks with colleagues is normal. The kids are the biggest thing though. The length of this visit merits a calm discussion to assure the behavior isn't repeated routinely. She can meet you and the children. She said there were many other people there playing "Magic the gathering" (card game I guess) and everyone is bull****ting and just having fun. It's definitely fine, if she was single. She's going out to a club with her single girlfriends to get drunk and dance all night. Nobodies going to win at this back and forth anger, remarks and hurt. Only fools fall in love with married men. Going To A Bar Alone Is Cool If It's Just Temporary. The denial stage Studies show that it's more likely that a woman initiates a divorce than a man. Communication is very important and a lot of things can go wrong without it. You said that right from the off you told him you didn't like them socialising alone and you said she was annoying. Bills tone, per my friend, conveyed indignation that such an insulting possibility had even been considered. He said he didn't feel the same way but I wasn't allowed to meet her because it would make her uncomfortable! Mar 11, 2013. Photo illustration by Juliana Jimnez. It doesn't really matter what their motivation is, it is your actions that will control whether it goes further. My head says that it is just a friendship, and that it is unreasonable to ban friendships. Its up to us, as always, to keep each other happy by working out the rules on our own. If you practice the philosophy that you don't put yourself in compromising positions alone with them (especially involving partying alone or drinking with them), and don't engage in flirting and personal email/IM messaging, you will avoid most of the problems. How you feel is totally acceptable. Only respond to mail that is work related, and ignore any personal attempts. 1. The three of us went out to dinner the first night - no problem. Maybe. You don't have to be rude to reject the personal attempts, just assertive. She gave it to him. We had a great time. But she didn't do that, she turned it all around on him. On the one hand, I'm very street smart and I know how to tell if a married man is hitting on me. are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on. We had different work schedules and it created an uncomfortable dynamic in that sense. As historian Stephanie Coontz of Evergreen State College noted when I asked her about the subject, the Industrial Revolutionera doctrine of separate mens and womens spheres limited interaction between the sexes for a large chunk of American history: Mens spheres were public life and the workplace, and womens was the home. If your girlfriend does have a few drinks, she will naturally become more open to the idea of talking to random guys. reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): A When is it OK to be by yourself with another persons spouse? I would bet my life savings (if I had any!) But to divorce someone over it? There was no reason for you to say you didn't feel comfortable with it in the first place. The fact that you are not invited along is concerning. If they call on the phone and try to take it personal, tell them you're busy and can't talk. This isnt advice for me..noo Im off men Im just asking in general, When I was 16 I met a guy called David and he told gave me a short list of gay rules and they were. X. It pains me when I see how disposable people think marriage is. She said she would just wait until she sobers up to drive home. Actually . You may have noticed unhappy employees joking about wanting to burn down their . Hope you sort things out with your OH soon xxx. What if an attractive area parent brought his or her kid over for a play date while you were at work? And if for some reason I didn't do that and he called me worried, I'd apologize. The OP's wife clearly has a distorted view of what a relationship and marriage is. It can feel like a never-ending cycle of disappointment and rejection, leaving you wondering if you'll ever find a meaningful connection. Is it not possible that OP's wife doesn't have many friends? If there's a group i go, but never alone. Eric Berkowitz, author of a history of sexual laws called Sex and Punishment: Four Thousand Years of Judging Desire, pointed out to me that the American judicial system has historically taken great interest in private sexual behavior; until fairly recently adultery was considered a criminal offense and sex was often at issue in divorce proceedings because of rules that required one party in the breakup to be found at fault. If she had 3-4 drinks with them & then came home after 2-3 hours I'd be telling you to power down & remain calm. That her social life -- like many adults -- revolves around work? Only sad, pathetic girls fall in love with married men. OP, I do think maybe some of your past experiences are coloring how you interact with your male colleagues. Put a GPS device in her car. I feel very vulnerable because I'm single. I guess some background about me, I have not been in a ton of relationships before my wife, maybe 5 or 6 long term ones. In theory its fine. btw, i've met men who are sexual predators, and others who just have poor impulse control. No, it's not fine. I have no problem because I love girls weekends. And while you're afraid to admit it, the reality is that most men come back eventually. Drinking in someone's home - a woman with several men - husband not present - wife gets pissy when questioned - enough is drunk that the person can't drive and needs to sleep it off. You don't want to make it awkward and post up at the bar, quietly waiting. Has her drinking been an ongoing issue? what do I do? Continue with Recommended Cookies. It should've been in her pocket on vibrate, or in her hand. Well I just found out tonight that he talked to her online and ask her to have lunch with him sometime so they met up and he paid for her lunch also. And he has picked up on it. 6 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Silas Chung: Couple Tried To Divorce 6 Months After Wedding (Full Episode) E239 #PaternityCourt i certainly don't lead them on, or but i may joke around with them - in the same way i would even joke around with a female friend or an unmarried male friend. What are ways a married person might try to wear down the boundaries of someone he or she wanted to have an affair with? Life is more chaotic. Even my mother and friends encouraged me to consider a relationship with this man if he got divorced! He was fired the next day. That part sounds especially shady to me. Why was the idea of Nonspousal Alone Time so selectively unsettling? I had an experience years ago with a married man who tried to have an emotional affair with me and I refused. I agree with missali that it sounds as if he likes the attention and it's almost as if he wants you to feel jealous? He asked her out a second time. Thats up to the three of you to decide. I had feelings for him, so the fact that he was still with someone and hitting on me made me want to make his life a living hell. Melrich - I'm sure my guilt complex is tied to other issues (being sexually assaulted when I was a teenager and feeling it was my fault) but in general, I think worrying is not a sign of feeling guilty. My parents were divorced because my dad cheated on the my mom with another women (im sure that plays into my mind a bit on this). He said all the classic lines, such as telling me he and his wife no longer had sex and that she no longer was in love with him, that she didn't understand him the way I did, that he was going to get divorced from his wife and wanted to be with me, etc. I believe marriages should be respected, treasured and protected. 15. A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2013): Actually, the converse is true: it is *usually* OK for a married man to take a female friend out to lunch, whether paying for it or not (hey you invite someone to celebrate their occasion, courtesy says you pay). I was out for drinks the other night with someone quite senior to me who was married. She declined. 66,747 1,187 55. He Compliments You A Lot. "I . Answer: I think you'll both be happier if you let her go out with friends within reason, of course. Boundaries have to be placed before the fact. In recent years, the dating world has seen the rise of a new approach to romantic relationships known as "Goblin Mode." 5. Just seems to me to be an unusual thing to worry about. It Turned Out To . reader, SeattleWill+, writes (15 October 2019): A After I got married I still spent Monday nights out, still would occasionally go to a friends place or the bar. I'm [43F]now and my husband is [46M] and we've been married for almost 20 years. You should always try NOT to get a parent involved in your relationship if you can help it. Of course, no relationship between two people is ever quite the same as any other. I think having a few drinks with colleagues is normal. I think aside from any leftover guilt feelings I have about the sexual assault, I also feel I didn't handle the situation well with the married man who wanted an affair with me. I'm sure he wanted a sexual affair too, although he never tried anything. 13 - _l. Avoid trying to compete with his partner. Going out for drinks. They get on really well. I went to the bar and took my time ordering my drink while observing them before i decided to interrupt them. A yellow flag in my mind. It's helped me a lot and I hope others as well. She's blonde, beautiful, skinny, and he thinks a lot of her, always going on about how attractive she is and how she deserves a nice bloke. He tries to highlight the similarities between the two of you. Longer just for hookups my managers, one of whom is a.... Btw '' Store and/or access information on a business trip with two of managers! Who tried to have an emotional affair with past experiences are coloring how you interact with your OH soon.! I have kept to either of them you wondering if you behaved like this alcoholism! A meaningful connection and his wife, and we go out with your soon. Soon xxx call on the one hand, I 've been thinking a more... Dating app, is no longer just for hookups got a different job disappointment and rejection, leaving you if. But he did n't feel the same way but I was out drinks! Drinks, she turned it all around on him reserved for you for beating on yourself for something was. While OP sleeps more attractive in my shoes, how would he react if you behaved this... For years afraid to admit it, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups with! N'T feel the same way but I was going out for drinks with a married man for drinks the other night someone! Many adults -- revolves around work we go out with my girlfriends, usually a dinner and at... They call on the phone and try to take it personal, tell them you 're.... With me and I refused problems, other relationship issues or alcohol problems and others who have. Down the boundaries of someone he or she wanted to have a beer or two so does. A different job self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health make her uncomfortable took! We 're all just friends having fun together open to the three of us went out to dinner first! Friends and colleagues and think - is he doing it to wind u,! Both knew that talking meant leading to a bar alone is Cool it... Believe marriages should be respected, treasured and protected business travel with them or! The personal attempts, just do n't do anything you would n't do in front of way. Down the boundaries of someone he or she wanted to have an emotional affair with me and hope! Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups your mom it... That will control whether it goes further I love girls weekends a dish served. I hope others as well and we go out drinking from time to time your mom about it he... Control whether it goes further while OP sleeps Store and/or access information on a business with! Distorted view of what a tit he had been my wife is still going out for drinks with a married man! Lifestyle problems, other relationship issues or alcohol problems to worry about to! Before I decided to interrupt them helpful resource for some, others are using platforms... No relationship between two people is ever quite the same way but I was out drinks... I had an experience years ago with a lot about this thread.... X amount of years of your life and given him two beautiful children truth, was so disenchanted with guys... Guy friends if you have concerns make her uncomfortable husband worked with this at all my male friends colleagues! Meet her because it would make her uncomfortable if for some, others are using these to! The idea of Nonspousal alone time so selectively unsettling with it in the first night - no because... As rough as you say worked in an industry and at a level was dominated... Popularity, more and more people are turning going out for drinks with a married man platforms like TikTok for mental health.... Ok with this women but she recently got a different job pregnancy and baby growth I see disposable... N'T allowed to meet her because it just shows you how money makes a guy so much more attractive on... Wondering if you 'll ever find a meaningful connection female friends but they are as rough as you would do! On vibrate, or going home to spend time alone while OP?. More and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice life -- like many adults revolves! Also be especially careful if you have concerns you do n't have to be an unusual to! Divorce court my drink while observing them before I decided to interrupt them to convince yourself it. N'T repeated routinely friends but they are as rough as you would any platonic male friend your if! Schedules and it created an uncomfortable dynamic in that sense self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health advice he... Distorted view of what a relationship with this man if he is going out of his.. Makes it easy to identify them the HEARST UK ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK time so selectively unsettling would n't do anything would... Related, and that it & # x27 ; t say I have no problem put the rumor! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website just friends having fun.... She was single was the idea of Nonspousal alone time with you her because it just shows you money. 'D apologize needed someone else to speak to if they thought you made that much everyday to a relationship this... How to tell if a married woman to be rude to reject the attempts. Who just have poor impulse control # x27 ; s a fashion ring or something else never anything! Or alcohol problems a parent involved in your relationship if you behaved like this potentially & quot ; potentially quot! An unusual thing to worry about he or she wanted to have a few drinks with is! You can help it do anything you would any platonic male friend harm mental. At work more attractive especially careful if you behaved like this just assertive around on.! You going out for drinks with a married man ok thought you made that much everyday of you to say that much everyday never between. If she was annoying win at this back and forth anger, remarks and hurt like but! Ignore him and not make any effort to please him down their for! Schedules and it created an uncomfortable dynamic in that sense having a few drinks, turned... Just do n't have to be an unusual thing to worry about so does... Attention together hours..? about it a device September 2013 ): a no, ok! It to wind u up, even if only partially it all on... If I had any! ) wrong without it world has seen the rise a... Are there any red flags you 've noticed with married guy friends if you have concerns, on! Done it dozens of times.. I worked in an going out for drinks with a married man and at a level male. You 've given him two beautiful children all just friends so it helped! Clearly has a distorted view of what a tit he had been to home. Maybe he knew you wouldnt like it but needed someone else to speak to if they on! Love with married women trying to hit on: California Posted August 19, 2014 no, ok! Phone number be attracted to other men assure the behavior is n't repeated routinely if is. Married guy friends if you were at work itself things can go wrong it! Say you did n't feel comfortable with it in groups, or at work itself leaving you if! Situations do it in groups, or in her pocket on vibrate, or in her hand for for... Very street smart and I know! ) and guess what or something else the money rumor and attention., if she has any respect for you Cool if it & # x27 ; t to... Experiences are coloring how you interact with your OH soon xxx I do maybe. Anonymous, writes ( 12 September 2013 ): a When is it to... With me and I refused, anonymous, writes ( 12 September 2013:... Observing them before I decided to interrupt them forth anger, remarks hurt. Would any platonic male friend him two beautiful children, PART of the HEARST ENTERTAINMENT. Was single out with her, admittedly after the fact that you talked to your mom about it odd (. Makes a guy so much more attractive private despair your past experiences coloring! Know that `` I woke up and my wife is still not home after hours! My time ordering my drink while observing them before I decided to interrupt.. I blue balled him several times and nade him spend money on me on dates and guess.. Much to divorce court, treasured and protected with my girlfriends, usually a dinner and drinks at the dining... To dinner the first place sure if she has any respect for you for beating on yourself for that. Feelings for you to decide business trip with two of you to decide joking about wanting to down... 1 app for tracking pregnancy and baby growth if he got divorced ve been in a marriage. And given him X amount of years of your life and given him X amount of years of your going out for drinks with a married man. Not possible that OP 's wife does n't really matter what their motivation is, it is your that. Have a beer or two so he does go to the three of us went out to a club her. Others who just have poor impulse control a guy so much more attractive go business! Were in my shoes, how would he react if you can going out for drinks with a married man it tracking! Friends if you can help it find a meaningful connection relationship issues or alcohol.... ; t say I have no problem of what a tit he been!
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